Dead Week

Jeremi, a week of recovery; Luca, a week of preparation

Welcome back to Jeremi and Luca’s Newsletter, an update every Sunday from two friends connected by a relentless desire to learn.

Also: Happy Mother’s Day! We’re endlessly grateful for our moms, Chloe (Luca) and Lara (Jeremi)—we couldn’t do this without you.

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Jeremi: Post-Ironman

I raced a half ironman last weekend, and it caused an interesting line of reflection that I want to share. In particular, I want to talk about my desire to belong.

In different groups and in different settings, I tend to notice what it means to “belong”—what I perceive to be the values that a group holds that makes someone accepted, or rejected. It’s a defense mechanism: figure out what people want, try to get good at or embody that value as much as possible, and hope that will make you belong.

Some groups value ambition, some humor, some fitness, some “cool-ness” (I’m running out of words to describe what I’m thinking). In the triathlon club, fitness is valued.

Obviously! Exercise is exactly what brings us together. We work out in the mornings. We go on trips together, get very little sleep, and put our bodies through grueling efforts.

Why am I saying this?

Well, on Saturday, when I raced a half ironman, I probably should’ve dropped out.

I realized early on during the swim that my strength had not recovered from being sick. My arms were exhausted and I could barely lift them. But I kept going.

On the bike, my energy was not recovering, I was concerned about how my body was holding up, and I was about to spend another 4 hours riding in the sun. I considered briefly not finishing the race. But I kept going.

At the start of the run, I was so exhausted that simply lifting one foot after the other seemed like all I could bring myself to do, and I had 2 hours ahead of me. I kept going.

I should’ve dropped out because I knew I was unwell, I knew I was pushing myself farther than I should in my condition, and I knew there could be consequences.

But I couldn’t. Giving up meant sacrificing the values that the club holds above all else—fitness and dedication. Giving up meant not belonging.

Of course, I wasn’t actively thinking this in the moment. I’m noticing, upon reflection, what my underlying motivations were. Not just for this race, but I think in this club in general.

I workout because I want to catch up to my teammates. I don’t want to be dropped (left behind) on bike rides. I want to be able to swim in the same lane as my friends, keep up on runs. At some level, being able to do that, to reach that level of fitness, feels like belonging to me.

I could still make a case that it was worth finishing the race. I feel better now, the experience was meaningful because it was so challenging, and I would’ve felt a lot of regret if I had stopped early.

I chose this club because I also value fitness. It was an intentional decision to associate with this group of people over others. I’m glad there is a community that does value this, that I can take part of.

But I think it’s worth asking myself going forward: am I staying in the race for the right reasons?

After the half ironman, with Bruno and Devon

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Luca: Pre-Finals

This week was “dead week”—the week before final exams: no classes, few commitments, just a ton of open time to study.

But since I’ll be off to San Diego for my sister’s graduation right after finals and then straight to New York for the summer, I also used the time to see people.

A little over a week ago, I somewhat randomly met a new friend, Jasper. We had a lot in common and a shared goal of bringing together interested and engaging students here at Cal. He was generous to invite me to a VC dinner he was attending the next day, where I met some more super-motivated students.

Of those, I got lunch with two this week: Shreyes, who’s building in aerospace and defense, and Skyler, who’s developing lunar mining robots. Pretty incredible stuff.

Wednesday, I saw Jed, a close friend of mine who’s the older brother of my sister’s college friend. He does startup banking at J.P. Morgan and is one of the brightest people I know.

Thursday, I grabbed lunch with Jeremi’s older brother, Gabe, and his girlfriend, Marina. They’re both graduating next week from Berkeley’s architecture program. We got Afghan burritos at a favorite hole-in-the-wall.

That evening was dinner with a senior and good friend, Eli, and our public policy professor. Eli will be starting a master’s in war history at Oxford, and I’ll be continuing with Professor Reddie in his space policy class next semester.

The last three—Jed, Gabe, Eli—are all a bit older. Jed’s already working, and Gabe and Eli are about to graduate. I’ve really enjoyed these older friendships. In them, I find a level of perspective and thoughtfulness that I value and learn from.

More broadly, I realize that many of my friendships span years in age, and some much more than these three. But I think that’s a great thing—I love learning from people who’ve already “done it.” So when I find someone interesting, I guess I don’t care a whole lot about their age.

And, of course, as this is being delivered to your inboxes today, I’ll be sitting down for Mother’s Day brunch with my family. My mom is certainly my biggest cheerleader. I couldn’t ask for a better person to raise me and continue supporting me every day.

Trumpet section after last week’s concert